New TV Post

I try to keep things interesting around here - and frankly, nothing is more interesting than boobs. One of the channels I watch during the holiday season - Spike TV - has something else than James Bond on right now. Manswers and 1,000 Ways To Die. I'm not sure if I'm a huge fan of it, but just like M-Obs (new name), they keep it interesting. Plus, and awesome points for this guys, the stuff is not just on the tube it's on the TUBES as well. Which is cool. Cus when it's between spending money on PB&J and TV, I almost invariably choose PB&J - Let's face it, life with out a computer is damn near impossible. So, there.

Wait, I smell a MANstion in there somewhere, looking for a MANswer:
Can you eat your TV if worst comes to worst?

Watch to your hearts content:

What's The Best Drug To Find In A Girl's Medicine Cabinet? | SpikeTV | SPIKE.com

Bonus: 1,000 Ways To Die. Sounds Creepy to me. I'm a little squeamish and spend most of my times watching horror movies trying not to flinch (omg don't tell anyone) so I'll abstain. Thanks.

NOW MY HOLIDAY IS COMPLETE

Name something you do at least 13 times a day!

If you were thinking "logging on to facebook and spend my time joining groups and having meaningful social interactions" you have answered correctly!!! and should probably seek some help for your problem.

But I have good news, too. Now you can do something useful with your time which would otherwise be completely wasted: You can join MoneyGram on Facebook and...send money. or receive money. The possibility are nearly endless, because, who doesn't like money? and sending it? Ok, actually, sending money is probably not that much fun. but receiving it. that's where it's at. and the good people at Money Gram are now giving YOU, you poor, sniveling, despicable slob a chance to double your sendings!

Go here and SEND LIKE AN AMERICAN: http://moneygram.com/doubleyoursend/






How charitable of them. And just in time for the holidays.

Folks, I can promise you one thing - if I send money this Holiday Season I will use Money Gram and you should, too. Take it from someone who knowz!!

join facebook and corrupt the system from the inside, yeah!!!

People! People! You're doing it WRONG!

I shall start this off with a plead that encapsulates my main gripe: If your industry is in trouble (looking at you, Music) then don't try to sell the people the same old crap! And in subtext: ...especially under the pretense of raising money for a good cause. Fuck the bullshit, man.

Point in case:















I have been receiving a fairly steady stream of information about Playing For Change. I've mentioned before that that they're doing it for a good cause and all that, but now that they've started a freaking LABEL, the cake has been taken! The newest reiteration is an album by one of the members of PFC, Grandpa Elliott, called Sugar Sweet and out on the Playing For Change Record Label. Double U Tee Eff, don't y'all have some hungry people to feed or something? Stop polluting the air space and (may I add) diluting a once noble idea! Even the last leftist hippie is going to have had enough of this blatant attempt at making money. Even if you do it by promising that the loot will go to help people who need it, I've seen too many Southpark's to believe you! So there, now I've vented my discontent. Now, down to the nitty gritty. Are these releases worth anything?

No.

Well, unless you listen to top 40 radio a lot. And Oldies. Even if Grandpa Elliott's got mad skillz, or charm (I'm placing my bet on the latter) it's lost in an over-produced piece of music that panders to those with loose heartstrings but no musical taste. And I think it's low. Just Saying.

NOT TO SPEAK OF THE CARBON FOOTPRINT THAT WILL MATERIALIZE AFTER EVERYONE REALIZES THIS LATEST PIECE OF JUNK IS A COMPLETE WASTE OF SPACE!

See you all in hell.

signed, the masked, angry blogger.

AFI Fest Is Over

Let's play a game. How many things can I come up with that mean one thing to one part of the public and something completely different to me?

Well, here's one. AFI. When I first got the news "AFI Fest in full swing" or something to that effect, I was like "what?"The dude with too much eye shadow now has a fest?

I was dead wrong. It's the American Film Institute has a film festival. Why the hell wouldn't they? They rock. And are famous. Else they wouldn't call themselves AMERICAN etcetc. All red blooded USofAmericans - this one's for you. BUT I did receive an interesting clip of Tom Ford (what, the designer, you say?) talking about his first movie. And I thought, oh my: this is shareable. Did you know making a movie is kind of like designing fashion? Well, here's your proof.



I really have to abstain from making a judgment call. The last time I touched a needle was to put it through my ear. Needless to say I pussied out, but I'm just saying, that's the last time I touched a needle. I've never made a movie. So I have to take Tom's word for it.
Hell Yeah, AFI Fest - I wish I knew ye!

Macca Is A Racial Slur

At least I thought so a little while ago. Then I realized it was actually what people call Sir Paul McCartney (of The Beatles fame). Which has nothing to do with racism. (There is a bird called macaw and back in the day a politician called a poor Laotian boy a macaw - this went public, etcetc, you can imagine the rest AND my confusion end) but the point here is that Sir Paul McCartney will release a new album, and THEN he'll go on tour. Only in Europe though - he'll be playing 7 shows from Dec 2 to Dec 22nd.

Tour Dates:

2 December - Hamburg Color Line Arena

3 December - Berlin O2 World

9 December - Arnhem Gelredome

10 December - Paris Bercy

16 December - Cologne Koln Arena

20 December - Dublin O2

22 December - London O2 Arena

But before that, he's releasing a CD/DVD of the two shows he did at Citi Field in July 09 and boy won't that be fun. Here's what it'll look like and where you can buy it.

Buy IT and weep like the little fanboy/girl you are

FANTAWEFUL

Damn straight, I just made up a new word. Cus that's what this guy requires: New Words. There's no other way to describe it. This joker, pun intended, or, maybe not at all, just released a new video. I'm supposed to recognize him from a Dodge commercial. Internet, what do you want from me?

View it here if you love America!

There are a couple of things that I truly have issues with. Apart from expensive drinks and hair gel overload, I really despise church friendly comedy. It's rarely funny because it seems forced. Although, I nearly pissed myself when I heard a joke involving a sea horse. But I don't see this guy doing nautical humor. And red neck observational humor is not my bag. Blame it on my coastal elitism. But in case it is, please, don't let my judgment stand in your way of purchasing this prime example of what I would call a money making scheme:
Let's Git'er Done!

I bet you'd think that was funny if Larry the fucking Cable Guy said it.

What, I just dropped the mic and walked off stage. There. Have a good weekend.

$2,300 for a Signature Guitar? Puhleeze

George Benson came out with a new album. His name sounds familiar, doesn't it? Yeah, that's what I thought, so off to google I go. Guess what, we have George Benson to thank for hits like "On Broadway" and "Breezin' ". Hell yeah, motherf*ckers.

The reason for my sudden urge to dig up the creator of these musical diamonds? This genius released a new album. So, naturally we here at the Marvelous Observations are bound to cover it. Kind of like Roman Polanski - but not really at all. Except maybe if someone could dig up some dirt on this "10 x Grammy-winning" singer/songwriter. OMG 10 times? sheesh.

Point is, "Songs And Stories" is in stores now. The first single "Family Reunion" can be sampled here.

He looks like he would sell a $2,300 guitar - I bet he has some other shit that would totally blow your mind. Like in-pool cuff links made of titanium for his chinchilla bath robe which under no circumstances should be near water (unless you can afford buying a new one every time that happens - which of course this guy totally can - 10 grammys. duh!)

In my opinion, anyone who is interested in this has the money to buy it: THERE

Wow, more TV to obsess about

OMG guys! As if TV could get any more interesting. Spike TV is searching for the Ultimate Girl...and the choices will make your head spin. These ladies are not only hot but they also like manly things like porn and video games. gasp. You don't believe me, I can tell. Well, check it out for yourselves and vote for your favorite. And me, my doctor said I should do something to get my heart racing - like, everyday.

Check out the sampling and feel free to visit

See what I mean? The rest is just too f*cking hot to post on the PG 13 internet

Minor Obsession: TV Shows.

Ha, do you think it's racist that the Sgt. Doakes is wearing gators?

Funny People Not Actually Funny

Hello - I got the soundtrack for the hailed uber alles Judd Apatow flick "Funny People". I don't really care about it. That doesn't mean it's not good, i just don't care. Plus, with this one they went all kinds of over board, with Lennon songs performed by Adam Sandler, and unreleased Wilco track, etc. Quelle Joie!

I don't care for Wilco, and I think it's weird that Judd Apatow's daughter is on the release. What a bunch of weirdness. That, in and of itself, justifies a post. Is this some form of nepotism? Who knows. And she sings "Memory" - that bit from CATS. I used to love that musical. I named my first pet cat after one of the CATS in the CATS musical. But that's neither here nor there. More about the album...oh yeah, Adam Sandler can't sing so well. The other songs are cool, if you're into that sort of stuff aaaaaaaaand we're lucky Seth Rogen didn't pull out his kazzoo. EYOOO!!! get it? I just made fun of Seth Rogen.

But this is kind of interesting - Check out John Lennon's "Watching The Wheels"
For many, that song alone makes this disc worth the purchase.

Peace!

"remix jam session mixtape" - yeah, I'm sure

You like good music? I like good music some. So does Melanie Fiona, apparently. And....Indians? You like Indians, Fiona? Shoot your costume director. But one thing they can't take from you, is that you can sing. For sure. If people from Philly think so, then there's not much reason to dispute it.

So you got ?uestlove to do a "remix jam session mixtape" of your album, The Bridge? That's pretty awesome too. Apparently he can play the drums and it sounds like a drum machine. In fact, he took a picture over my shoulder once, and let me tell you, I almost melted. But back to the point. Music. For those of you who are into soul, download the "remix jam session mixtape":

http://www.zshare.net/download/62679118d27a6686

Cus it's FREE! And I don't mind free.

Props to ?uestlove for putting out free music, OKAY PLAYER! You're cool. And as a taste maker, well, he's (mostly) on the money. But Fiona, as a soul connoisseur it is absolutely imperative that you have a record player. Srsly! Ladies and Gentlemen, if you don't believe me, look for yourself. It's a video. You're cute, Melanie. Tata!

90's Throwbacks Are the New Black

The Marvelous Observers trend spotters have come across a curious phenomenon: 90's throwbacks!

Bbbut, it was only 10 years ago, you say? We know. But Rob Thomas thinks it may be worth something.

HA, are you serious? the Goo Goo Dolls called, they want their bracelets back. Rob Thomas, go home! It wasn't good when it first came out and it's not good now. And just cus it's "captured in High-Definition with 5.1 Surround Sound" doesn't make it worth my money.

With back up singers and a real keyboard you give the impression of having put some serious thought into how to squeeze every last dime out of your past fame. Unfortunately WE ARE ON TO YOU! Nothing escapes these eagle eyes.

The Internet is omniscient though, so we shall give it the option to judge for itself - samples to follow:

http://kochent.edgeboss.net/wmedia/kochent/e1homevideo/rt_problemgirl.wvx

http://kochent.edgeboss.net/wmedia/kochent/e1homevideo/rt_ifyouregone.wvx

http://kochent.edgeboss.net/wmedia/kochent/e1homevideo/rt_3am.wvx

Gah! I cannot voice my disinterest loudly enough. But 'tis the beauty of the intertubes; if one frustrated hipster screams in a forest (aka the internet) of frustrated hipsters - can any one hear? YES! YOU'RE READING THIS, AREN'T YOU!

Teknologiez Of Our Timez

How Awesome. Support Your Local Musician. Become fan of these up and coming, hungry rockers! Gold Fiction, WHAT!!

Gold Fiction on Facebook

Mommy XXX...WTF???

The sick puppies at Crackle TOTES hit the Oedipus nerve with this one. Masked Blogger - I spite you with SINGLE MOMS! PORN STAR SINGLE MOMS!

Advertised as a cross between "The Osbournes" and "Girls Next Door" Mommy XXX airs every Thursday on Crackle.com. Naturally, it follows Demi Delia, an ex porn star and single mom, and exposes her personal life. Get this, episodes include winning subjects like "...her daughter’s first visit to the gynecologist; a typical day at “the office;” her breast augmentation surgery... " etc.

I smell comedy gold...and, potentially, TITTIES!

HA! They even sent me a clip for you lowlifes.

From Crackle: Party with Pornstars

Watchem and weep.

The Chronicles of the Masked Blogger, Part Two

Days passed. Slowly. Sleepless nights. Weekend benders. I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter but I couldn't get the Masked Blogger out of my head. When I wasn't self-medicating I tried to keep myself busy with my own writing projects but the Blogger stayed lodged in my brain like a steel toothpick in a blueberry muffin.

A Couple of months back, I had run up on some hard luck. Horses. Guess you could say I'm a gambling man. Truth is, I've been from Vegas to Atlantic City, up, down and then up again...this time was different, though. Things went from bad to worse one rainy night in April when two tough guys showed up in my storefront window and offered me a "proposition." They walked in, all smiles. Shit, if I hadn't been around the block a few time, I woulda though they were just a couple of good, ol' boys who had gotten lost in the city and needed directions. That is until they bloodied up my face and pulled a knife on me. They wanted to know if I had heard of their employer, Mick. Sure, I told them - everyone knows Mick - they called him Mick "The Nose." That gave them a pause and I thought they ready for round 2 with my face as the punching bag. Instead, they glared and said I had 2 weeks to pay or I may find myself the recipient of an all-expenses paid trip - to the bottom of the East River.

After the goons left, I sat down to think - thought long and hard. The funny part is that it takes an experience like this for a man to take stock of his life. Here I was, a 30-something, washed up P.I., disgraced former detective and amateur writer. Now I was about to go and get myself killed. Shit, if you could separate yourself from it for a moment, it was damn funny.

But I wasn't laughing. I sat at my desk and looked at the empty pages in my typewriter for the next two nighst, listening to the rain showers outside. Two nights later, that's when this dame showed up at my door, saying she need me to help her find someone. Why me, I asked her? Told me she had done some research and that for the price range, heard I was the best. We didn't exchange pleasantries - got right into it. What can you tell me about him, I asked her. Said he was a writer. Interesting I told her, so am I. She couldn't look more disinterested. I asked - what else?

"He wears a mask."

The Ultimate Realist

T4 Motherf*cker

WOP! this one's for you.
bitches.

AN INTRODUCTION...TO THE SHITTIEST ALBUMS OF ALL-TIME

PRELUDE TO AN INTRODUCTION, Part One

Hey everyone -

I mentioned in my last post that I'm turning over a new leaf as far as blogging. With that in mind, I wanted to introduce my first guest writer, as well as their new weekly column.

As far as what I can tell you about this person...it's not much. I've only met them once and (he? she?) insisted on meeting at 3am on the docks by the East River. (He? She?) was wearing a pantyhose mask, trenchcoat and continually asked if I was wearing a wire. Despite his/her paranoia, we shook hands and made the verbal agreement that led to this feature.

Before I knew it, this mysterious figure quickly began making their way back into the night. "But you didn't even tell me your name," I cried out. In the distance, the masked creature turned their head back ever so slightly. "The Masked Blogger," they whispered and then disappeared into the shadows.

AN INTRODUCTION
What does it take to create the Shittiest Album of All Time? I could sit hear and rattle off hundreds of merely shitty, awful - hell, downright soul-crushing albums all day long. But that would be a little cheap. Just like the Hollywood blockbuster, top 40-ready crap will continue to roll off of the assembly line with the same amount of care as your average, shittily-made American car. As long as cynical corporate execs live - there will always American Idol, Clear Channel Radio, T-Pain and Rihanna. As a wise man once said, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people."

And don't get me wrong, I would love to go after those people. Besides the potential entertainment value involved, there is the fact that I'm an extremely angry person. Every chance I get to unload a bitter, immature rant and spew my poisonous bile onto the world at large (or conversely, the two people reading this blog)- that's one less chance I will walk into the United States Post Office wearing only a jock strap and toting an AK-47.

But that would be intellectually dishonest. I'm believe that to create something truly awful, there must be a substantial amount of talent and ambition involved. What I'm interested in is the point where that talent and ambition go wrong. I mean horribly, horribly wrong. Potentially career-ending wrong. Like "oops, sorry we dropped those two atomic bombs on you" wrong.

And with that in mind: let's set some ground rules. Please behold the The Somewhat Arbitrary and Purposefully Vague Ground Rules that it takes to qualify as one of the Shittiest Albums of All-Time. An album or artist must meet no less than one of the following criteria to earn a spot in the annals of this esteemed Spot of Blog.


1) The artist must have, at one time, demonstrated greatness, very-goodness, or very strong promise. This includes anyone from an artist who bears the legendary status to a young band who recorded a good debut.
2) It must be an album that is universally considered great from a critical standpoint.
3) An album that is not necessarily considered great, or even good, but sold very, very well.
4) No artist is above creating one of The Shittiest Albums of All-Time

Stayed tuned for the first post.

-The Masked Blogger

I HAVE TURNED...

...A NEW LEAF. Proverbially speaking, seeing as how I am speaking about BLOGGING. I'm setting some goddamn priorities, man. Like, updates on THE REG. And guest writers, and uh...who the hell am I kidding. Lets listen to Jeff Healey. Goosebumps, motherf*cker. Goosebumps.

RA RA RA Ray Charles is here to school you, again!

People, you know how today's music sucks? etc etc. Well, thank god there are reissues so we can spend our hard earned dollars on stuff that looks new, but isn't really. Enter Concord Records and their ambitious exploitation reissue program of the Ray Charles catalog. An old favorite hit stores at the beginning of the month and is raising eyebrows (again). I wish the world would be a simpler place, instead of revolting Iranians (as in, the verb) and Craigslist Killers, they only had soda fountains and comic books to keep themselves occupied back then. And this album, of course. And boy did it start something. I heard it contributed to the civil rights struggle and made black people listen to garth brooks. Ha, just kidding about that last one. So, I offer for your discerning eyes the OLD cover art (cus it's awesome) and a place where you can spend what you would have otherwise supidly totally straight up sunk into the soda fountain with no benefit at all. So, there:

Old School!

buy the reissue here

Oh, and a shout out to my ol' buddies parents for taking me to a soda fountain this weekend for the first time and hence giving me something to write about. Bless!

Oh Sh*t, First Twitter Post

META TWITTER is the word of the week, kids! Who would have thunk, Fuse TV, MTV...everyone is doing it. Next step, I will follow suit by twittering about my cat's and goldfish's latest tweets. I shall call it the tweet menagerie. Oh good, I deserve a pat on the back for that one. On a side note, look what I found:

I fucking love the Boss. Now, if I could only follow his tweets. Along with those of The Decemberists, Bon Iver, Passion Pit, Grizzly Bear, MGMT and Portugal (OMG I think I just went to the bathroom in my pants a little (man, I'm bored with my own snark there, feel free to re-phrase and email better line to wabten@gmail.com, thanks)). It must be my lucky day BECAUSE I CAN - YES, I (WE) CAN - actually do exactly that.

Go here: http://fusefest.fuse.tv and enjoy!

It's kind of like sitting in front of the Fuse building! I suppose I'm the only one in the twitterspehere to have ever done that, but it's awesome. Except for the angry bums who think you're stealing their front row seats. Sheesh, get a lyphe.

Sometimes I have so much going on in my head I don't even know where to look. All I need is more tweets

Playing for Change Staying True To Their Word -

A COLLECTIVE GASP OF ANTICIPATION ESCAPES THE ENTIRE WORLD

So, I've mentioned this before but these cats WILL NOT stay down. True to their name, they're playing. Maybe not for pocket change anymore, but everywhere from the Glastonbury Festival (hook it up, yo) to some Pier somewhere. Awesome.

From the press release:

Playing For Change – Songs Around the World, the project has taken another leap forward. After a Top 10 debut on Billboard’s Pop Chart in the US and a strong start throughout Europe, including a top 20 chart position in Spain, the Playing For Change band has been confirmed to headline the Jazz/World stage at Glastonbury Festival in the UK on Saturday, June 27, one of the three major open air stages with a crowd capacity of approximately 25,000 people. Word of mouth spread among other Glastonbury acts that Playing For Change was confirmed on the bill and several musicians expressed interest in joining the band on stage. This resulted in Gabrialla Cilmi, Tinariwen, The Magic Numbers and Baba Maal confirmed to make guest appearances with the band at Glastonbury.

The band will then travel to Los Angeles for a performance at the opening night of this year’s Twilight Dance Series at the Santa Monica Pier. The concert is free and will run from 7:00 PM – 10:00 PM. The band is also set to perform on NBC's The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien on Thursday, July 9, 2009. Hailing from New Orleans to Johannesburg via Europe and the Congo, the band consists of some of the incredible musicians who are featured in the smash hit YouTube video “Stand By Me” which has become the #1 rated YouTube video of all time with over 20 million views.

Pay up, sukas!

International Man of Mystery - At Least He Sounds Like It

Nicole Conte, who I don't think is related to Paolo Conte , is cool - like, in the truest meaning of the word. As you can clearly see from the album cover, he is a little confused as to why the album is called Rituals (just kidding, he probably picked the name). He also looks substantially older than I thought, but who's counting? In any case, I am a sucker for his beats. It's a just correct amount of cheese and awesome. If Nicola is being sarcastic, I can't tell, yet. And I've listened to other records of his too. Who still (seriously) makes music like this? THE ITALIANS, that's who! God bless 'em. I don't even like cocktails, but right now, as this CD is on, I want to be walking along the ocean in the south of France with an ice cold one in my hand and some dark haired Mediterranean beauty on my arm. Shit, one can dream, right? I mean, musically it's not absolutely mind blowing, but given the right circumstances (late at night and/or Sunday morning, preferably involving a cigarette somewhere) this album is a perfect fit. SOMEONE CHILL MY CHAMPAGNE! and I do mean CHAMPAGNE! Not the sparkling white wine you low life's drink! GARCON!!!!!...and put this CD on too. Listen in if you dare. zzzzzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZzzzzzz

Seriously, I have bought like 4 of the last 5 CDs by Italians I came across. Weird.

Urban Mystic a little less mysterious than I thought!

So, what does one do with a kid who has talent, but seems set on running his career into a dead end accompanied by clichés? With posturing and bravado galore, Urban Mystic has released his new album GRIII: Old School 2 Nu Skool and it's doing, well, probably what everyone expected. But really, it's quite good and there is some more material on there than a lousy white boy like me would think. Oh gaaawd, I can here my mom sayin' "Don't judge books by their cover, son!" Well, thanks mom, how was I supposed to know? Momma said. One learns everyday. I've actually started browsing the Urban Music Blog. Ha, psyche! Where have all the cowboys gone? Probably Miami - to hang out with Urban. Don't think this is country record, though. One thing’s for sure though, ladies want to be with Urban, Gents want to be like Urban and everyone else wants autographs. Viva R&B!

Listen to the ladies swoon when you play 'em THIS!

OMGLOLROFL - the day has been saved by Jessica Harp

Where would the music industry be with out good looking people? Man, it's like, I can't even tell you. Mars, maybe - or gone the way of the gremlin. Oops, I didn't just jinx it, did I? One thing's for sure, although this is news to absolutely no one, if you look the part, your talents play a secondary role in your success. Point in case; today's culprit: A miss Jessica Harp, apparently most famous for being half of The Wreckers. Ooooh, that sounds malicious. Now, shall we go on with this dog chasing its own tail debate? Please, if you would indulge me, I present to you Exibit A. Apparently a different hair color every two days is clutch. Phew, good thing that's over with and I have no further exhibits, your honor, except the final product. Good Grief!!! Tattoos? Does mom know about this? How about the local parish? psssh. Puhleeze. I'm saturated. I'm not really a fan of Hank Williams III but he has at least one memorable quote: "Pop Country Reaaaaaaaallllllllyyyyyyyy Sucks!" Long live the Williamses. It's always easier to judge than to create, love you Jessica xoxo.

Peace.

Stevie Ray Vaughn's Band? Hell Yes

Now - the weirdest thing just happened. I like the blues, and occasionally, I listen the Blues. And right now, while I was listening to the BLUES (SRV, in fact) I get an email about the Arc Angels. The reason I am making such a stink about this is because these guys used to play with SRV!!! I'm superficial I know, but HOT DAYUMN this is bound to be good. My brain cells just left for the day so I leave to my drooooool....

From the press release:
After much speculation in the fan and music communities, the Arc Angels have announced today an official reunion that will include new music and new touring ventures, along with their first major concert as part of Austin’s South By Southwest Festival on Friday, March 20^th at 8pm at Auditorium Shores. The eagerly anticipated reunion features original band members Charlie Sexton, Doyle Bramhall II and Chris Layton performing together again. After more than a decade apart, the band has entered the studio to record new music, is slated to open for Eric Clapton on his Spring UK tour, and will release a Live CD/DVD with a U.S. summer tour to follow. Further album and DVD details will be announced shortly.

I'm going to the show and YOU CAN TOOO!!

Finally, A Sign of Time Well Spent

I don't even particularly like Queen, but this is awesome.



(via Geekologie) my favorite.

Gospel Ain't Dead

What's with the recent influx of gospel tinged releases? Did I sound like Jerry Seinfeld right there? I'm lacking a closer. Jon Bon Jovi (like, on a level with Bono), Jonny Lang (My Father and I didn't speak for a year cus he played one Johnny Lang album too many times), Queen Latifah (OMG, Diversity!) Joss Stone ---- all these gr8 artists have one thing in common. In an attempt to sell some records, they started mining the one thing that generally sells. Christian Stuff. However, from the bottom of my bitter, bitter heart, I know that Gospel will put a tingle in the spine of the least musically inclined person you know, or even a chair, sometimes. So in light of that, I give my much coveted thumbs up to this project. Cus with out my thumbs...psyche, with out GOSPEL there would be no music like we know it. Enough ranting. Music is where it's at.
Now, despite some of the cheesecakes that are on here, I am looking at you Michael McDonald, it's probably worth a buy, especially at $9. However I am irked that it's only available at WalMart. It's like these people are trying to ruin my good time.

But for once CHECK OUT WHAT I FOUND:

Oh Happy Day

Trying To Change The World One Note At A Time

Well, so, i've noticed everyone who's anyone posting on this band 'Playing For Change' and because I love bandwagons I jumped on it. The band name's witty for one thing, because they employ a bunch of street musicians who are actually playing to stay afloat. Or maybe just cus they LOVE music SO MUCH. Whatever. In the vain of Live Eight, useless but moving attempts to make this here blue planet a better place for those less fortunate, I present:

Playing For Change

There.



Now go give blood or something. Also, it would probably help if you stop making those sex tourism trips to Thailand. Your carbon footprint is huge.

Branford Firing On All Pistons

Branford Marsalis, who is, i hear, a wanker, has a new release. Don't hold me to the first part of my last statement cus i heard it through the grapevine. He is also the brother of Wynton Marsalis, who I knew of first. And a little bit of googling brought up that he used to lead Buckshot LeFonque. What? Buckshot is kind of cool. Or was. Like arrested development but cooler. And less gap toothed women. I'm getting to my point: His new album is called Metamorphosen. Sometimes my mind turns off though. lalalalala. listen. LISTEN. shsssshshshshshs. Can you hear it metamorphose???

He's also released Claudio Acuña's "En Este Momento". Metal. Actually, not at all. judging by the stream it sounds ok. uh. I'll wait for the CD to make the complete judgment. She's hot tough. rrrrrrrrrr latin looooovee

Nowhere To Run, Slow Burn Is Coming To Town

Slow Burn, a brand new super group conjured from the ashes of of philly favorites Camel Toe Riders and Virgina Death Metal troupe Darkhorse will play their premier gig at the famed Troc on Friday March 27. So much for epic first sentences. Rocker Dave and cohort Drew have been tooling the scene for a bassist than can match their fury on stage and have found the perfect fit in one who simply refers to himself as Duane. Triple D Assault! Togehter, the trio grinds the axes and burns all bridges, musical and otherwise - get ready to be blown away. They are so underground, I was hard pressed to come by some images, but what else does one need than the aural assault delivered via MySpace.

http://www.myspace.com/burnjunkie

Yes, yours truly will be there to document this historic event. Hold on to your car stereos and fanny packs.

Henceforth...

K3PO aka Slumberling, aka Kummshot, aka Dawdlering, aka Zteve shall be referred to as simply:

Urkel.

Help! I've fallen and I can't get up.

{Images coming soon}

The Absolute, Definitive, Way Better Than The One You Bought When The Movie Came Out Ray Charles Compilation To End All Other Attempts. Forever.

RAY CHARLES IS THE SOUL VERSION OF TUPAC SHAKUR (go figure that one out, it's like a sequel to the prequel. WTF.) He just keeps on cranking out records. Well, not in the sense that they are new, or something you never heard of before, but this time, maybe, you'll be able to catch that one note where his voice cracks or a cockroach is doing a tap dance on his piano strings, cus THEY REMASTERED IT AGAIN. Someone take away these people's Consoles. I mean, it's even in the name:

Ray Charles Genius: The Ultimate Collection

See? They ran out of witty things to say. So did I, apparently, because hey, it's Ray Charles. He's good. I mean, he was real good. As the title of (yet another) album states: Genius. Do you think he'd be pissed if he was still around? Probably not, maybe he doesn't care - his families better be getting all of this money that I am undoubtedly generating by posting about this. You can send me the Thank You note later, Charles Family.

BUY BUY BUY AND SUPPORT!!

Scofield "Singing" A Bluesy Gospel?! My Word, Sign Me Up

John Scofield, the jazz guitarist and otherwise musical chameleon is back with his his 36th album and it's bluesy. "Motherless Child" get's the (newer, bluesier) signature Scofield makeover, along with more classics like "Walk With Me" and "Angel Of Death". Essentially I really like the album - say if I were sitting at a bar sipping a bourbon right about now, which I'm not - and that's a shame, but like always, it's Scofield, and one kind of needs to dig his style. At least It'll take Missy Elliot and company another couple of years before they start sampling this because I don't think they have seen the "light", as it were.

For your listening pleasure, I have wrangled one of the songs in the ELECTRONIC FORM.

For you Scofieldheads, which I know there are out there, make sure to buy the record. The gods will shine a light down on you.

Thank you and Good Night.

Speaking of Quality Sound...

This year’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony will premiere on April 4 at 8PM ET/PT only on FUSE (exclusively, naturally) and if you fancy yourself even marginally interested in music you should TOTALLY watch this. I mean, better than brain rotting MTV, am I right? RIGHT? Who can stand watching that junk anymore. It’s so old I was hesitant to bring it up, but here I am. Instead, watch FUSE! Remember that time it was Canadian? I like Canada. Everyone’s always saying they’re gonna move there, but me? I’m gonna actually do it. But this isn't about Canada, I got so sidetracked for a moment there. THIS IS ABOUT ROCK AND ROLL!! I mean, can you argue with this? Brings some tears to my eyes. Almost. Check it for yourself. It's a free country, after all. All I can say is that you are a little bit more bad ass if you watch the video.



LONG LIVE ROCK AND ROLL ...or whatever's left of it. word.

Enjoy Gr8 Flicks in Gr8 Quality

They call it 4D and they plan to take audio and video by storm. What good are all these *terrific* new records and movies if you can't hear them? AstoundStereo to the rescue.

From the press release:
"The AstoundStereo Expander enables you to hear all your digital audio in a new way. You become completely immersed in the sound with elevation, intensive depth perception and widening of the stereo image, creating a four dimensional audio experience."

My oh my, that sounds fan-cy. I count 4 Ds.
They say, put it to the test. You can download a free version by clicking the logo.

For the music heads, check out www.AstoundStereo.com/freetrack and get some FREE TRACKS. We love free, here at the Marvelous Observations. Basically we don't do anything that is not free. You could call us FREEdomfinders.
Let's see if this manages to come through or just turn into some beta max thing. I'm waiting in ASTONISHMENT. zing.

After The Eye Candy, Some Reality

After a brief hiatus I am at it again. And boy have I missed this. Next on the list is this str8 to DVD release that probably should have gotten a theatrical release seeing as how it's packed with an all star cast featuring Tommy Lee Jones, best two face ever and John Goodman, best Walter ever, doing a book by James Lee Burke. There's others too, like Ned Beatty, but he's not on the cover, so who cares.

The movie is a thriller and has received mixed reviews. Quite frankly, I'll watch anything with Tommy Lee Jones though, so it's on my list. Catch a sneak peak:

Buy It here:
http://www.amazon.com/Electric-Mist-Ned-Beatty/dp/B001NFNFIK

Songstress Looks Younger Than She Sounds

By the sound of things I would have guessed this singer's age to be about 45, at least. Alas, I was wrong. She merely sings for 45 year olds. Naturally, this does not detract from her considerable talent. And I mean that purely on a scale from one to ten. Like, looks, get it? I dare you to a comment and tell me I make too many "jokes" that are only funny to me. See for yourself.
She goes by the moniker "Jane Monheit" and makes jazzy music. And if you look at who claims credit for this oeuvre it is a veritable who's who of jazz heavy weights:

(from the press release)
Accompanying Monheit on “The Lovers, The Dreamers And Me” are long-time Monheit band-members Michael Kanan (piano and Fender Rhodes), Rick Montalbano on drums, and Neal Miner on bass, who were joined on the CD by musicians Peter Bernstein (guitar), Stefon Harris (vibes), Seamus Blake (saxophone), Frank Vignola (guitar), Gil Goldstein (piano, accordion), Romero Lubambo (guitar), Antonio Sanchez (drums), Scott Colley (bass) and Bashiri Johnson on percussion.

I might develop an eyebrow fetish - I have some pretty strong ones myself (In fact, it is said that they saved my one eye once - long, other story). In conclusion, I present you with Jane Monheit's CD available here. For your listening pleasure please visit her official site at JaneMonheit.com and check out the "goods"; those 35 sec clips. I mean. Duh. Get going already and stop staring.

Kick back, relax and shoot yourself in the foot.

This may seem a little cliche, but there are two things that drive me up the wall. One of them is definitely smooth jazz in all it's incarnations. Call it urban, contemporary jazz, some form of R&B...whatever. Gives me the heebie jeebies - all is see is fake jewlery and vinyl dresses. eeeuuuccchhh. Over-produced, cheesy, SAXOPHONES, dentist chairs, drilling, you see where this is going. Unfortunately this genre refuses to go the way of cherry curls and so here I present you with a, not quite so hairraising, sample of one of the genres proponents:Give it a listen on MySpace and tell me you don't at least hear a hint of things that makes you wish Stalin got his hands on Kenny G or something. But you know, we keep an open mind around these parts, and whatever floats your boat, but stay away from my children and I. Or my future children, anyway. I will make sure that if they go to the dentist there will be no muzak and they will keep it real. But should you be absolutely hell bent on adding another useless record to your collection, be it for sake of the industry as whole, which would be quite commendable, frankly, please go ahead and purchase it here.

Hello.

Debauched!

Because I like that word. Now, down to business. Caligula has been released for the umpteenth time and guess what? It's still a pretty far out clusterfuck. I read things that condemn the movie to all hell, but I, myself, am not quite so dramatic. In fact I think Caligula, who is also Alex from a "Clockwork Orange", is totally metal and therefore awesome. Yeah, there are prehistoric dildos and a lawn mower that doubles as a people mower, but it's still kind of badass. How's that saying go? Something about too many cooks in the kitchen....
So, now you can watch some the grainy movie in super high def with some extras about Peter O'Toole smoking mad joints, and to me that's almost as much fun. I was kinda, uh, bleary eyed myself when i saw the movie and sat in dark for at least 5 minutes after it was done trying to get my ears to turn normal flesh color again. ____: (get it? bottom line) the movie is confusing, effing long, decadent to no end, perhaps a wee bit unrealistic and, i'm willing to bet, entirely offensive to anyone that's had the privelege of being homeschooled. I can let you preview it here, but in my opinion it's best if you check it out for yourself - even as a tutorial on how-not-to-make an epic historical fiction piece with tons of penthouse pets. Quite frankly, how you mess something like this up is beyond me. Buy the Blu-Ray, even if it's only to save space and have one less disk than the 3-set DVD set.

UPDATE: The eyes, man, the eyes - talk about piercing. Although that is neither here nor there.

WOah - Christmas Came Late SMASHING PUMPKINS RELEASED A DVD......and it's arsty. Surprise.

You, the reader, may have a wide array of feelings concerning The Smashing Pumpkins. Some of you may have lost your virginity to (not in) "1979", others tried to cut themselves to "bullet with butterfly wings" but apprently didn't succeed at the jackpot, as we like to call it, and almost everyone heard of Billy Corgan's recent antics during their tour. I like that he called some dude on stage and asked him what he knew of James Iha. Brilliantly artistic dick move. Ha. I thought it was funny. Look - art:Then again my teenage years weren't spent painting my nails black and fantasizing about skeletor incarnate. Whatever. So, the reason Christmas came late? i didn't get any presents. Except for this one DVD that dropped into my lap. It's called "if all goes wrong" (lower case was my idea, thought it gave it a nice, gothic touch - because did you know that in 1203 the only way people wrote was in lower case? Or maybe it was the other way around) and it chronicles some live performances of an alleged "reunion" of the band and documentary. Let's call it what it is; Billy Corgan playing with some band that isn't zwan. Nothing wrong with that, just saying. In fact, I think as a whole, the DVD is really good. It shows the creative process and some not so bright sides but leaves you a little more enlightened than you were before you smaked this pancake in the DVD oven. The concert footage is also nothing to shake a stick out, which I seem to do so often, but if you expect the hits you are didn't do your Billy Corgan research. Needless to say, I enjyed the DVD. Makes the whole thing worth the effort. Awesome. Now that's over with and I am crawling back into my cave. Look, more pictures:

And because I like this screwy front man - a clip, pour vous, the awesome audience:

Happy New Year

Back to work, as they say. I hope everyone had a f*cking great new years and everything lined up for the upcoming disaster.
Having said that, over the past couple of days I had some time on my hands. What did I do with it you ask? I caught up on some classic flicks, is what I did. I was tipped off to one in particular after I was sent the soundtrack. Bottle Rocket is what it's called and it's...well, i will not pass judgment (I also saw, for the first time, bong water, which is a complete mess. But that's another story). The soundtrack is decidedly awesome. Some good ole jazz, if you ask me. Not that you did, but anyway.It even includes material from the guy who did music for the Charlie Brown cartoons. Hmmm, I bet Wes Anderson never identified with Charlie Brown at all. If you ask me (again) though I feel like that's the most depressed toon ever. I am here to spread word about the soundtrack though, so feel free to check it out:

“Skating” by Vince Guaraldi Trio (this is the charlie brown guy, give it a listen)

“Jane-O” by Zoot Sims

Good lord, I may have lost some of my bite. Ouch. Let's all pray for some more things that warrant snide remarks. Who am i kidding, i hear the mail man coming.