Thursday, July 2, 2009

AN INTRODUCTION...TO THE SHITTIEST ALBUMS OF ALL-TIME


PRELUDE TO AN INTRODUCTION, Part One

Hey everyone -

I mentioned in my last post that I'm turning over a new leaf as far as blogging. With that in mind, I wanted to introduce my first guest writer, as well as their new weekly column.

As far as what I can tell you about this person...it's not much. I've only met them once and (he? she?) insisted on meeting at 3am on the docks by the East River. (He? She?) was wearing a pantyhose mask, trenchcoat and continually asked if I was wearing a wire. Despite his/her paranoia, we shook hands and made the verbal agreement that led to this feature.

Before I knew it, this mysterious figure quickly began making their way back into the night. "But you didn't even tell me your name," I cried out. In the distance, the masked creature turned their head back ever so slightly. "The Masked Blogger," they whispered and then disappeared into the shadows.

AN INTRODUCTION
What does it take to create the Shittiest Album of All Time? I could sit hear and rattle off hundreds of merely shitty, awful - hell, downright soul-crushing albums all day long. But that would be a little cheap. Just like the Hollywood blockbuster, top 40-ready crap will continue to roll off of the assembly line with the same amount of care as your average, shittily-made American car. As long as cynical corporate execs live - there will always American Idol, Clear Channel Radio, T-Pain and Rihanna. As a wise man once said, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people."

And don't get me wrong, I would love to go after those people. Besides the potential entertainment value involved, there is the fact that I'm an extremely angry person. Every chance I get to unload a bitter, immature rant and spew my poisonous bile onto the world at large (or conversely, the two people reading this blog)- that's one less chance I will walk into the United States Post Office wearing only a jock strap and toting an AK-47.

But that would be intellectually dishonest. I'm believe that to create something truly awful, there must be a substantial amount of talent and ambition involved. What I'm interested in is the point where that talent and ambition go wrong. I mean horribly, horribly wrong. Potentially career-ending wrong. Like "oops, sorry we dropped those two atomic bombs on you" wrong.

And with that in mind: let's set some ground rules. Please behold the The Somewhat Arbitrary and Purposefully Vague Ground Rules that it takes to qualify as one of the Shittiest Albums of All-Time. An album or artist must meet no less than one of the following criteria to earn a spot in the annals of this esteemed Spot of Blog.


1) The artist must have, at one time, demonstrated greatness, very-goodness, or very strong promise. This includes anyone from an artist who bears the legendary status to a young band who recorded a good debut.
2) It must be an album that is universally considered great from a critical standpoint.
3) An album that is not necessarily considered great, or even good, but sold very, very well.
4) No artist is above creating one of The Shittiest Albums of All-Time

Stayed tuned for the first post.

-The Masked Blogger

1 comment:

Charlie said...

Aw, man!

I can't wait to hear what happens next!