Welcome: Head of the Department of Utility

That would be me - I have appointed myself as such. My new tasks will include but are not limited to judging if what you do, wear, say, produce and/or like is useful.

As in psychology, self analysis is out of the question, therefore I exclude myself, my staff and anything related to us from scrutiny.

Useless:

• Logo for the Dept. of Utility
• Ties
• Telling people who you don't work with that you're leaving your job with out being prompted to tell them
• Watching 'Mad Men' at work, even if you're into feminism and especially if you're into Jesus
• Complaining about shitty coworkers without getting a new job
• Two (2) hour coffee breaks
• Twitter
• Discussing your new job with coworkers at your old job
• Complaining about the cold temperature one day and then requesting a fan the next
• AFTERSHAVE - hasn't everyone learned to calm it down a little in the work place?
• Making people move desks every couple of months

Useful:

• Money, especially if it's free
• Vacations
• The internet, sometimes
• (this, too)